MY BACTERIA HATE ME

My good friend Giardia.Ever since I got back from my two year stint in the Peace Corps, my bacteria have been revolting like it’s the French Reign of Terror all over again. In other words, my intestinal tract is complete with a mini guillotine and basket of heads.

After living on birdseed for two years, I’m now back in the greatest country on earth which unfortunately comes with great food, bottomless soda, and most importantly milk. A two year vacation from dairy means that when I pound back the half gallon of Dreyers ice-cream I basically turn into a walking biological weapons lab.

Just ask anyone who’s been around me since I’ve been back. I even signed a contract with my neighbor at work promising him a dollar every time he had to smell my “rank ass.” My mom even thinks I still might have Giardia it smells so bad. You’d think after three months of being back my belly would have adapted, but you’d be dead wrong. When people say milk is torture on your body, they ain’t kidding.

Sorry everyone, it’s killing me too.

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