I’M GOING TO DROP 15 BONES ON BATMAN

I recently saw The Dark Knight at a movie theater in DC and I have to say, holy crap. It was 2.5 hours long and there was so much visual and mental stimulus that I’m still not sure I got everything. What’s the solution?

Imax. I’m going to see it again the right way, on Imax. I’ve probably been to a total of two Imax showings during my whole lifetime and have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I imagine I’m going to sit down in a seat, the movie will start, and within ten minutes I bet I yak all over the place. It’s going to be that intense. I’ll keep you posted.

INDUSTRIES FIGHTING SLANG

It’s pretty well known that the company that makes SPAM has tried incredibly hard to try and prevent the use of the word Spam when referring to junk mail. But who else has tried to fight off the power of slang? Who hasn’t, but should?

Cottage Cheese: If there’s one thing that stops me from eating cottage cheese (besides it tasting gross) is the words ‘cottage cheese thighs.’ I haven’t heard the cottage cheese industry crying over it, but I bet that slang alone costs them millions each year.

Lesbians: Yep, these people have actually sued organizations for use of the word lesbians. Who am I talking about? Why, people from the island of Lesbos near Greece of course. What did you think?

Okay, that’s all I could come up with. Anyone have any more?

MURDER CITY, HERE I COME

Washington DC, prepare for me.

I can’t help thinking in the back of my head that the capital of our country should be a Utopia, not Hell. I mean, it’s our CAPITAL for christsakes. You’d think there would be universal health care, great schools, hover boards even. But no, it’s the murder (or was, I think Oakland and Baltimore edged it out) capital of the world. And I’m going there. Yippee.

A LITTLE SPICE MAKES THINGS NICE

I just made my second post over at Future Blogger about mice, it was great since I added a little more of my personality into it instead of treating it like a college essay. I admit, most of the time the college essay is great, but I’m really glad the people where I work said it was okay to get a little comfortable with my humor.

I’m heading off to Washington DC tomorrow night to see a friend of mine I haven’t seen in almost three years. Granted, I was in Peace Corps for two so that category might include just about everyone I know, but this involves tradition.

Before I left for the Peace Corps, I went to DC to see my friend before I left. He was out on the East Coast for a while and I hadn’t had much face time with him. We had a great time. In fact, we almost got him fired from his job it was so great. After the almost-firing, we went and saw Batman Begins. See where this is going?

So, I’m traveling to DC to get silly with him again and watch The Dark Knight, maybe a new tradition. Hopefully he won’t get fired this time…

WORKING FROM HOME: POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES

Positive: I’m at home and not in a cubicle or commuting.

Negative: My co-workers never hang out with me since they’re in New York.

Positive: I can shower when I want.

Negative: According to my girlfriend I can’t.

Positive: I can make my own lunch everyday and eat healthy.

Negative: I have to make my own lunch everyday.

Positive: I don’t have to worry about what I’m looking at on the Internet since no co-workers are staring over my shoulders.

Negative: Videos cause Internet lag so I have to either work longer or not look at said videos.

Positive: I can hang out at a friends an do work there as long as they have Internet.

Negative: If they have Internet, they probably have an xBox which decreases productivity substantially.

Positive: I can nap whenever I want to.

Negative: I can’t nap, I don’t know why, I just can’t

Positive: I’m relaxed.

Negative: I’m so relaxed it’s hard to stop surfing and keep working.

Positive: I’m home.

Negative: No one else is.

I SOILED MYSELF

I was at a wedding two Saturdays ago for a friend of mine up in Tilden Park. It was great. The food was delicious, the 65 year-old guy singing ‘I Like Big Butts’ was causing a storm on the dance floor, and some guy got trashed and decided it would be a good time to confront his ex. Luckily my friends’ little brother intervened (little in age, the guy is like 6’6″ and built like an Olympian so the pudgy drunk guy was no problem). But the thing I particularly liked about the wedding was that I got to drive them away in my dad’s ’66 Pontiac Bonneville.

Everything went fine. On the way home I drove them down College Avenue and then through Piedmont, dragging cans and streamers, getting hoots and hollars. This is just the lead-up, sorry.

Anyways, there was a couple at our dinner table who happened to be getting married the very next weekend. After they found out that the car was ours, they mentioned that they had totally forgotten to book a limo and wondered if I could do it. They seemed like an awesome couple, so of course I said “no problem.”

Fast forward to last Saturday. I got the car clean on the outside, clean on the inside, I even put on some nice clothes for the occasion. I drive to the wedding and park the car, making sure not to leave the headlights on, killing the battery, and their wedding with one stone. I kill some time just being a wallflower and watching everything going on. It’s so interesting to watch people at weddings, I don’t know why.

The wedding ends, I hop in the car, turn the key, and soil myself. It all happened with just one turn of the key. The key turned – I soiled myself.

The reason? Giardia? Amoebas?

The car didn’t start.

Not only did it not start, but the key didn’t even elicit any sort of noise from the engine. I wish I could have taken a picture of my face at that exact moment in time, it was priceless I’m sure.

So, I’m out there with the car and some of the guy guests trying to figure out what the hell to do with the hood up, when the glowing couple comes out the door towards the car with everyone cheering. Crap. Talk about the worst feeling you’ve ever felt. I mean, it’s their friggin’ WEDDING. How many of those do you get? Not many.

They hop in the car, everyone takes some photos, and then a guy guest turns to me and says, “When do you think we should tell them?” I responded with a “Maybe in about five minutes, ha ha ha.” The couple turns to me, asks if we’re ready to go, and it was then I gave them the strained smile. “You’re going to find this really funny…”

To their credit, they did find it funny. That made me feel better, but still crappy at the same time. We figure it’s not the battery, but the starter. So, just for kicks I get in the car and turn the key a few times. The electricity somehow connected and the FREAKING ENGINE STARTED!

After taking them to the hotel it took me literally an hour just to calm down I was so amped up from the adrenaline. Images of them waiting around for a taxi or for the AAA truck to show up had flashed through my head, but all was well.

Now I have to take my pants to the dry cleaners…

IT FELT LIKE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN

I finally wrote and posted my first blog post at the website I’m interning at. I gotta say, it felt like school. Unlike this blog where I can just yammer on and on about things and not really care about structure or if it’s even interesting, this piece was tough.

http://memebox.com/futureblogger/show/708-utopian-vs-dystopian-futures

It felt like school, but whatever. I’m learning some great things, getting great experience, and the people I work with offer a lot of help. Life is pretty awesome.

I’ll be posting more on that site (www.membox.com) more often, so check it out, put it in your Reader or something, and keep your eyes peeled. Have a great weekend!