DESPITE MY INTENTIONS, I AM NOT COOL

Like an idiot I almost bought a flask.  Why?  Movies.  Like children who want to smoke, I was influenced by movies.  But I caught myself in time thank god.  After idolizing the guys on TV who kick ass and carry a flask, I realize they aren’t that cool at all.  Basically, they’re alcoholics.

Think about it.  When would you ever possibly want a swig of straight alcohol.  Backpacking, okay.  Or maybe if you’re travelling through Utah and you need to carry your own.  But honestly, when would you ever want to take a swig?  Golfing mid-day?  The movie theater?  Any scenario I come up with I just don’t see as fun.  Maybe it’s because I like beer and not hard alcohol so much (sipping a body-warm beer, bleh) but it just sounds gross.

Advertisements

I’M FRICKIN’ DOING IT

So I got the latest Windows Vista update on my computer and it basically rendered my Firefox useless for some reason.  It somehow fixed itself after a few hours, but I’m so fed up with this crap.  I’m finally going to take the plunge.

Linux!  I’ve been wanting to try it ever since I went over to a friends house in high school and his computer had it.  Frankly, it scared me.  The idea that it’s constantly changing and open source flashed images through my head of me accidentally erasing some code and the whole thing crashing down (don’t ask me how).

It was a short leap to switch from Explorer to Firefox and I’ve never looked back.  Linux, here I come!

(For those interested, I’m going to switch to Ubuntu, a sort of beginner Linux. Maybe down the road I’ll switch to it’s pappa.)

AHHHH… MEMORIES

Remember the good old days when men were men, women were servants, and children were forced labor?  I remember.  I had to build my own tree fort from money me and my friends earned picking up cans and bottles on the side of the road. I got paid a few dollars for clearing hundreds of pounds of dead leaves and scotch broom from the houses of all my neighbors.  I even had to stack wood for free since if I didn’t my house would have been freezing.  Those days kicked so much ass.

KING COUNTY COUNCIL MINUTES

The following is an excerpt from the King County Council minutes from the State of Washington.

————————————————————————————–

Barbara: “I’m telling you guys, the monorail is the way to go.”

Dave: “I don’t know if I can take any more Simpson’s references, why can’t we just drop it.”

Tim: “If we drop it, we appear weak. Plus, how many cities have monorails? Imagine if we hadn’t decided to build the Space Needle because no one else had one?”

Dave: “Okay, the Needle was a great idea, but the monorail just ain’t doing it for everyone.”

Sarah: (to Barbara) “…so then the whole episode was just them saying ‘nigger’ over and over again. I just can’t believe what South Park can get away with these days.”

Tim: “What was that Sarah?”

Sarah: “Uhhhh, nothing. Just talking about South Park.”

Tim: “No, you might have something there. Everyone, what is it that the Pacific Northwest is completely lacking that all the other major cities of the country have?”

Barbara: “An aversion to beastiality?”

Dave: “Good drivers?”

Tim: “No you idiots, black people.”

Sarah: “What are those?”

Tim: “We need to show the rest of the country that Seattle isn’t an elite white city who relies solely on Microsoft and Boeing for work. We need to show America that we care about black people.”

Barbara: “Wait, if we show the country we care about black people, wouldn’t that encourage black people to move here?”

Dave: “We can’t have that.”

Tim: “I’ve thought of a novel way of making Seattle seem like they admire black people without actually encouraging them to move here. It’s been staring at us in the face for the last 40 years.”

Sarah: “Fried chicken?”

Tim: “Good guess, but no. I’m talking about King County. We change it to mean Martin Luther King Jr.”

Barbara: “Woah woah woah. Won’t the decedents of William King cause a fuss?”

Dave: “If they do, we can just call them racists.”

Tim: “Good thinking Dave, that’s the spirit.”

Meanwhile across the Sound in Jefferson County

Jethro: “So guys, I have this idea. How many of you have ever seen the show The Jeffersons?”

AMERICAN BEER KICKS ASS

You know, people have been ragging on American beer for about a century now, and I have to say at least something in defense. The argument is that prohibition killed the small-time beer maker and so because of that all American beer is of the same type. But after sampling (a lot) of Pacific Northwest beers, I don’t see how anyone can say American beer sucks. Sure, abroad they only see Budweiser, but they’re a bunch of snobs. California wine kicks French wine any day of the week. I think our beer kicks the worlds ass any day of the week. I doubt in the EU they have as much foreign beer as we do, and after sampling their beer I think we kick their ass. Have they tried the Kilt-Lifter? Arrogant Bastard? Maximus? No. Screw them

WHAT CAN I SAY, IT HAS INTRINSIC VALUE

I visit this one site pretty much whenever I can because it has lots of interesting stuff from around the Net that I dig. If you’ve ever seen the sneezing panda video, their trademark is stamped right at the beginning. But before you go to the site, be warned, it is VERY Not Safe For Work. Basically, it has a ton of cool stuff, but also a lot of porn that is just flat out gross (the people in the photos, not that porn is gross). It’s orsm.net.

Anyways, my favorite sections are the Random Shite photos (which can make you go from laughing to vomiting in less than a second), the non-porn related image galleries (for instance a gallery of sculptures made from weapons or the Google HQ) and the text everywhere (funny jokes, dirty jokes, etc).

Because I don’t reccommend you go to the site (even the photo galleries have nasty porn ads all around it) here’s something from it you might find interesting. Enjoy!

SOME INTERESTING FACTS…

– You can’t create a folder called ‘con’ in Microsoft Windows.
– All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
– The smallest human penis ever recorded was just 5/8 of an inch long.
– Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
– About 1 in 30 people in the U.S. are in jail, on probation, or on parole.
– Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.
– The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
– Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.
– The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
– An average persons hand does 56% of the typing.
– Orsm.net readers are better looking, have larger penises and nicer boobs.
– The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.
– Some Malaysians protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.
– The only two animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.
– Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 18 inches per year!
– Electricity doesn’t move through a wire but through a field around the wire.
– An octopus’ testicles are located in its head.
– Oenophobia is the Fear of wines.
– The average person spends three years of his or her life on a toilet.
– The word ‘News’ is actually an acronym standing for the 4 cardinal compass points – North, East, West, and South!
– Phobatrivaphobia is fear of trivia about phobias.
– The Muppet Show was banned from Saudi Arabian TV because one if its stars was a pig.
– Formicophilia is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.
– China has more English speakers than the United States.
– All the swans in England are property of the Queen.
– The Yo-Yo originated as a weapon in the Philippine Islands during the sixteenth century.
– The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.
– A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
– The whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.
– A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.
– India never invaded any country in her last 10,000 years of history.
– Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school.
– It is impossible to lick your elbow.
– A snail can sleep for 3 years.
– The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.
– In 1883 the explosion of the volcano Krakatoa put so much dust into the earth’s atmosphere that sunsets appeared green and the moon appeared blue around the world for almost two years.
– “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
– Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be moulded with the hands.
– 55 per cent of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn. Reading about yawning makes most people yawn.

SEATTLE IS A PAIN IN THE ASS

Goddamn you Seattle. All I want to do is get to Port Townsend from SeaTac Airport. Why don’t you have just one organized public transit system? I have to spend hours at terminals waiting for transfers when I could be moving. Even on the other side of the Sound they have two different transit systems. And Google doesn’t want to spend the time figuring it out so I have to do it the old fashioned way. Argh! I wish I had a bike up there waiting for me…