Having Powers Would Be Awkward

powersI really don’t feel like super-hero stories get it right.  Sure, Heroes and the X-Men have stories about mutant persecution and running from the law/imprisonment.  But imagine if you yourself had a super power and how hard it would be to hide.

For instance, let’s say you had the power to see through clothes.  At first you’d be ecstatic.  Yes!  I can see anyone I want naked!  But you wouldn’t be able to turn it off.  Everyone is naked but you it seems (for the sake of this argument you can see clothes, just not when worn by people).  How many Seinfeld-like scenarios could you come up with because of that kind of super-power?

Someone would ask you what you think of their new t-shirt that has a super-funny slogan on it, but you can’t read it.  “Hahahaaaa, yeah, that is pretty clever.”  “Clever?  It’s a picture of Einstein.”  “Hrm, well clever in a intelligent way.”

Or maybe you noticed something like a chick has a clit piercing (come on, you know you’d look) and you’re with a group of people and she mentions that she just got a new piercing that hurt like hell.  “Yeah, piercing your clit must have hurt like fuck.”  Her face goes sheet white and everyone looks at you all shocked.  “I didn’t get my clit pierced, I got my eyebrow pierced.  How did you know I have a clit piercing?”  If you looked up backtrack in the dictionary, it doesn’t even begin to describe the shit you’d be in.  Are you spying on her in her home?  Ask an ex?  How do you know that?

Or what about looking at people naked all the time?  I’m convinced the only reason we here in the US freak out over boobs is because they’re so taboo.  Can you imagine how unappealing boobs would be if women always walked around topless?  Now imagine everyone naked.  You’d see every contour of their body, every blemish, shadow, crack, poo-stain, whatever.  Yoga class would make you want to puke.  Hell, you might even stop finding the human body attractive to the point where sex is meaningless and you’d get off on photos of Amish women or chicks in Burkas.

All sorts of awkward.  That kind of super-power would suck.  Kinda reminds me of a previous rant I wrote about how having the power of invisibility would be horrible.


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