This Too Hurt A Bit

IMG_1385The coloring on the ship is finished.  Phew!  Now I have to go do physical labor tomorrow, not going to be fun.  Plus, got an appointment later this month to finish it out with my compass rose on the inside of my arm.  That one will hurt the worst by far, what with all that nice, soft arm flesh in there.  Thanks Jason, your work is amazing.

I Say Famous Stuff Too!

famousEvery so often I feel like I come up with some profound statement which, given to the right people, would change their lives.  The only problem is that I’m not famous.  You’ve done it — looked on-line for some famous quote which is only famous because some famous person said it.  Suddenly the words “I like tequila more than I like hookers” are awesome because some guy in a movie said it, or possibly Paul Newman said it (he didn’t, when he spoke only awesomeness came out, as well as good food).

That’s my point right there.  Famous people say ordinary things and they get written up on t-shirts.  Ordinary people say something witty at a bar which everyone laughs at and wishes they had said and yet it’s forgotten within minutes.  It would have made such a great t-shirt!

Here’s another example:

Sometimes, no matter what the voices in your head say, you just have to let go.”  – Dalai Lama

Sounded profound right?  He might have said it?  I just wrote that!  Now instead of a thousand kale-smelling hippies quoting it, no one will.  I should have been born famous.

When You’re Not On A Bike, You Look Like An Idiot

bikehatAlright, I get the fact that you probably ride bikes a lot, are a messenger of some sort, and can name every Tour de France winner for the last two decades, but come on.  If you’re not on a bike, going to a bike, or hobbling around on clip-in shoes, don’t get caught wearing that stupid hat.  You seriously look like Huey, Dewy and/or Louie.

It doesn’t protect you from the Sun, it doesn’t protect you from a fall, and unless you’re Lance Armstrong or Italian, please don’t wear them.

Heart Attack?

I went on a dune ride in Michigan this week when I was there for a family reunion and my dad decided to tag along.  This surprised me.  I managed to snap the most perfect photo of him on the ride which he repeatedly tried erase for the rest of the trip from my camera.  Here it is in all its glory.

heartattackHe hated it so much that for the rest of the ride every-time I took a photo of him he made a face like a smiling idiot.  I hope grandchildren look on this photo in the future and think that this was an actual photo of my dad having a heart attack.

I Swear To God I’m Freaking Out

Every once in a while I can’t help but let my mind wander into areas that I know should be off limits.  For instance, Asian drivers are just as good as anyone else, but when I get cut-off or something I can’t help but think it’s shitty driving due to heritage.  Or maybe crap that the media loves to latch onto which proves a stereotype, like when that black lady called 911 saying some fast food chain ran out of fried chicken.  COME ON!  Here I am along with a ton of other people trying to convince myself that stereotypes are horrible and misleading, and shit like that happens.  Makes you wonder if the news would report on the same lady calling 911 if Whole Foods ran out of Organic Carrots or something (I’d love to hear that in the news).

conspiracyWhich brings me to my point on my brain thinking there are conspiracy theories that are correct but I hope are not.

Did you notice that every time the US gets into a surplus situation with tons of cash floating around that  we hit a major crisis?  I mean, we finally have enough cash to switch us over to solar and wind, gas prices are massive and everyone is behind switching to green, and then the shit hits the fan.  Gas prices drop, the economy drops, and we stop thinking about it.  Considering we’re going to need an Earth to live on it’s kinda strange, but one almost wonders if there aren’t some powerful executives flipping switches to make all this kind of crap happen.

Think of the stock market a few months ago.  One day it was up 500, the next it was down 700, then up 300 the next.  You almost wonder if someone was buying a ton of stock, making the numbers go up high, selling, and then have them go down again.  A roller coaster which the rich make the money off of (damn you Buffet!).

I don’t know what is real anymore, but part of me can’t get this kind of crap out of my mind.  And whenever I bring it up to people they just support it.  What is a semi-paranoid guy to do?

The Next James Bond Plot

moonrakerYou know how in the really good James Bond movies you sort of feel for the bad guy?  Or maybe not the bad guy in general, but sympathize with his idea?  For instance, in Moonraker you had Hugo Drax who want to right all the environmental wrongs the human species has done to the world.  Pollution, war, killing off species, etc.  He just figured it was going to get worse and worse (he was right) and tried to put a stop to it by killing off humanity and then saving a select few who would return to Earth in time and live harmoniously with nature.

You can’t really blame the guy, eh?

Well I came up with a silly plot yesterday when I was considering my unemployment status.  Here goes:

An unemployed guy figures the best way to save the economy and give everyone jobs again is to kill off a large portion of the population.  He develops a virus which will only kill off 50% of the world, leaving enough people to all have jobs, rebuild, and start a new world that is economically and environmentally conscious.

When you consider how weird some of the James Bond plots are, it’s not that far-fetched.  Creating an earthquake to destroy Silicon Valley for real estate gain?  Monopolizing the news of the world and causing it to happen?  Playing poker with a guy who cries blood?  Hollywood, send me my paycheck.

I Hate San Francisco (not really)

There are so many things in the Bay Area that I feel drives divides into our happy little community.  For instance, the subway system (BART) doesn’t run past midnight/midnight-thirty.  This means if you live in Oakland or Berkeley, you either need to leave the bar around 11:30 or so, or scamper to find a bed to sleep in until service resumes at 5am (maybe that ugly lady at the end of the bar might not be too ugly when there’s nowhere to sleep).

Another is the cost of living.  San Francisco may be pretty cool and have a ton of stuff to do, but it all costs an arm and a leg.  Go out to a bar and you might end up aith a $60 bar tab, $100 if you add the sushi you thought was going to be a good idea.  In the East Bay your bar tab will run you about $30 all said and done, and that’s a wild night.  Rent is also about $1,000 cheaper to a comparable place in SF unless you go down to Colma which is full of dead people.

The fact that SF has massive hills also is a knock against it.  I can bike just about anywhere in the East Bay with my single-speed and not hit a hill higher that a few feet.  In SF you’ll need calve muscles that resemble either a grapefruit or a gnarly tumor.  Great workout yeah, but who really wants to do that?  Chances are a cab ride will suffice.  Face it, you have to have a pretty good bankroll in SF.

The reason this is all coming up is because of the fireworks show last night.  I went with some friends up to a hill in the Berkeley Marina to watch the Berkeley fireworks show and as a bonus we could see Oakland’s show at Jack London, SF’s show at Crissy Field, and some of Richmond and Marin off in the distance (there was some low cloud cover which illuminated everything pretty awesomely I have to admit).

sffireworksThe Oakland show was cool, and I’m sure the Berkeley show would have been just as great except that right behind it across the bay was the SF fireworks show.  My god did it look impressive.  From 8 miles away it looked amazing.  They had so many great fireworks, but the kicker was that they had it doubled so that if one firework went off, there was a mirror image of it going off in the other direction.  At first I thought it was the beer I drank or a trick with the distance, but everyone was blown away by it, envious that we didn’t go to SF for the show.

It just made me dislike SF even more, despite having tons of cool stuff.  Other things piss me off too, like how no one in SF knows anything about BART, but us here in the East Bay know it like the back of our hands.

We might not be rich, but the East Bay kicks SF ass.