I Kinda Want Your Kid To Die

stickfamilybumperI know it’s easy for people online to say shocking stuff like how all Mac users need to die because they’re hipsters with too much money, or how Democrats should all be aborted because they love abortion.  I’m not trying to make this post like that.  I genuinely kinda want your kid to die just so I can see what you’d do with that family bumper-sticker you have on your car.

You see, I had started seeing these bumper-stickers last year and immediately developed a huge hatred of them just because they annoyed the hell out of me.  I even found them more annoying than the zillions of ribbon bumper-stickers I see everywhere.  It got so bad that it eventually occurred to me that these families are basically asking to be smote (that’s what I assume is the past tense of ‘smite.’  I particularly liked Urban Dictionary’s definition of smited).

Here you are, showing the world that you have a large happy family with pets and whatnot, and I can’t help but wonder what they will do if a kid of theirs dies.  Do you leave him or her on there in memoriam?  Do you break out a razor blade and wipe them out?  In which case you better hope the youngest dies first so you don’t have to scoot them all over one space.  Or maybe you can replace one with a tombstone that has R.I.P. on it.

I honestly don’t know, and with all the assholes driving around with these stupid stickers, I know someone has had to deal with this kind of scenario.  I honestly wonder if that scene might show up in some indie flick about moving on from your children dying.

I almost feel like if you’re going to put those stickers on your car, they should at least be real to life.  One kid is a goth, another a jock who is beating on the goth, the dad is watching TV and drinking beer, the wife is banging a stick pool-boy, and the daughter already has two little stick kids of her own.  I would honestly love to see that.


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