The Yelp Check-In War Continues

For the last three months or so I have been in a Yelp Check-In fight in my neighborhood.  For those who don’t know, Yelp allows people to check-in to places on Yelp if you’re within one mile of the location (to account for phone location error I suppose).  When you have the most check-ins you’re called the Duke.  If you have the most Dukedoms in your area you’re called the Baron.  Get the most check-ins in your city and you might get the designation King.  Stupid, I know.

Anyways, for some reason I started checking-in to these places, mostly out of sheer boredom.  It took a few weeks for my competitive side to come out but when it did, oh man, did I piss off some people.  I would take about 30 minutes out of each day to check-in to places already controlled by other Dukes, eventually getting to the point where I became the Baron of my neighborhood.  It was then I decided to become the Duke of every place within a one-mile radius of my location.  How did I eventually do it?

I found the current Baron of my area and started checking-in systematically to all the places he had checked into.  The guy had obviously only been tot he area a few times since most of the check-ins were one-time check-ins.  I’d tie my check-ins with the guy until I eventually spent two days taking over 50 places from him in one fell swoop.  He never knew what hit him.  I actually secretly hope someone else becomes the Baron over me for a little bit so I can do the same with them.

Of course this pisses off people, and I guess that’s the only real joy I get out of it.  Yelp Troll.  I don’t care about Yelp, I don’t care if I’m the Duke or Baron of whatever, I just want to conquer, take over, and smash other people.  The fact that I could care less about being a Baron only makes it funnier to me, since these people I’m up against genuinely care about being a Duke or Baron and it pisses them off to no end.  OVER NOTHING.  It’s my little jab at people who make a big deal out of nothing.  If people took over my places, I wouldn’t get mad, I’d just put up a fight and may the best person win.  In 6 months when I move out of the neighborhood I’ll just leave it all behind.

The reason I wrote this post is because one of the people I am battling with (what else does Yelp royalty do, eh?) sent me a message tonight and I laughed my ass off.  Here it is:

Of course I couldn’t help but respond:

“I think you’d be hard pressed to find a single Baron/Baroness or King/Queen of Yelp check-ins who doesn’t do shady stuff.  How many people have one check-in at 30 different dentists?  Sheeeit, the Queen of Silicon Valley has 3,000 check-ins (I’m not exaggerating, I think it’s actually 3,005).

Yelp is doing a good job of curbing this abuse by making it now 15 minutes between check-ins for people when before you could check in every minute.  They could go a step further by making it so people can’t check-in when store hours are over (but that would only work if the store hours were on the site and up to date which is hard).

Sorry if it angers you that I strive to be the Baron of an area without the cost of actually spending money at all these places, it’s really just something I do on the side when I’m bored.  Nothing to do?  Check-in!  Cooking oatmeal?  Check-in!  I’m not really invested in it, I actually find it quite funny that people get pissed off about it.  Trolling?  Probably.

If you reporting me actually ends in a suspension of my account or whatever, I’d actually be happy.  This whole hobby of checking is super pointless and the only joy I get from it is laughs when I strategically take over a place on Yelp and imagine how angry the person gets over absolutely nothing, like yourself.  Want to be a Baroness?  Act like a Baroness!  Seize the day!  Conquer!  You’re practically royalty.

If you want tips on how best to take places over, I’d be more than willing to tell you how best to go about it, I could use the competition.

And if you ever write me again, please use complete words and sentences, you sound like a retard.”

Anyways, maybe this will become something, maybe not.  If it does, I’ll post updates.



My photoshop skills suck. 

My Tattoo is Finished (for now)

I got the rest of my inking done yesterday for my half-sleeve tattoo.  Jason Phillips at FTW Tattoo yet again did a great job.  If you’re in the East Bay and looking for a great artist, can’t recommend him enough.  Proof of his great work I’ve posted below in photographic form.

The inside of my arm wasn’t as painful this time, maybe because I twisted the hell out of my ankle in Indiana my last night there and it’s been throbbing ever since.  X-Rays show it’s not broken thankfully.

I joked with Jason that if I wanted to get a full sleeve the rest would have to be an underwater theme since it’s under the boat.  Awesome idea, but I don’t know if the full sleeve is for me, at least at this point in life.  The other arm is open for anything and of course I’ve always toyed with the idea of getting more stuff on my back other than a robot and demon.

Honestly, I still love my first two tattoos, but almost regret them now because of the arm tattoo.  The two images on my back mean something to me but they’re kinda just floating there all alone.  This arm tattoo just makes me wish I had included them into a mosaic, something bigger than just themselves.  I kinda wish now the arm tattoo was my first one, but I’m hoping I can work the other two into some type of pattern.

Anyways, I can’t make the arm tattoo one big photo like they do in tattoo magazines, so here are just a bunch of shots of it.  Enjoy!

I Am A Bad-Ass

dancefloorSee that?  I built a dance floor.  In a day.  I took a shitload of pallets, a bunch of plywood, a shovel, screws and a saw and made it.  My mom helped a lot.  Molly and her dad helped too.  The friggin’ thing is HUGE, like 800 square feet.  My apartment is smaller.  I am sore.  The way I look at it, I could have rented a 15 by 15 foot dance floor for $400, or I could build it.  I built it and it’s more than just 15 by 15, it’s more like 36 by 30.

Honestly, I hope it doesn’t break at the wedding and the slight bumps in it don’t throw anyone off on the dance floor.  Be safe!  (Gotta finish the lighting this weekend).

This Too Hurt A Bit

IMG_1385The coloring on the ship is finished.  Phew!  Now I have to go do physical labor tomorrow, not going to be fun.  Plus, got an appointment later this month to finish it out with my compass rose on the inside of my arm.  That one will hurt the worst by far, what with all that nice, soft arm flesh in there.  Thanks Jason, your work is amazing.

Heart Attack?

I went on a dune ride in Michigan this week when I was there for a family reunion and my dad decided to tag along.  This surprised me.  I managed to snap the most perfect photo of him on the ride which he repeatedly tried erase for the rest of the trip from my camera.  Here it is in all its glory.

heartattackHe hated it so much that for the rest of the ride every-time I took a photo of him he made a face like a smiling idiot.  I hope grandchildren look on this photo in the future and think that this was an actual photo of my dad having a heart attack.

My God It Itches

IMG_1251My ink is starting to peel off which sucks for a few reasons.  The first is that I want to peel it off but it might cause scarring or whatever.  The second is that it itches like a mother fucker!

The weird thing about this tattoo is that it didn’t feel like such a big deal.  I mean, while I was getting it, every time the needle got near my armpit of that lower arm fat I felt like grimacing.  You know, that little lower part of your arm that if someone pinched it would hurt like a mother fucker?  I am not really looking forward to getting it colored in and the compass rose on that sickly white soft skin on the inside of my arm, but goddamn do I want to do it!

In fact, I am really considering doing my other arm, and maybe getting full sleeves when my job situation levels out.  Who knows though, this might be enough.

In other news, my mom just about cried when I told her I was getting her dad’s (my grandpa Hotch) name on my ship.  And when I told her I finally did it, she said her heart skipped a beat.  That makes me feel awesome.  My dad might not like tattoos too much, but I like to think that this artwork on my arm is going to be a fitting tribute to Hotch.

Any-hoo, back to homework for my night classes in Business.  I’m trying to start my own brewing company.

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