The Grog Song

grogInternational Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day fast approaches (Sept 19th) so I thought I’d post a song I wrote in Niger about the best drink in the world… GROG!

Solo: Some call it briney and some call it slimey!

Everyone: But put to the test, it beats all the rest!

S: No advice you be heedin’ though your gums they be bleedin’!

E: But put to the test, it beats all the rest!

(Chorus)

Grog! Grog! A wonderful drink!

You’ll smell like a skunk and then die from the stink!

And if my dear swill be forbidden by god,

I’d rather be burnin’ than part with my grog!


S: Your vision goes hazy and it makes you quite crazy!

E: But put to the test, it beats all the rest!

S: It makes you quite nervy and saves you from scurvy!

E: But put to the test, it beats all the rest!

(Chorus)

So hoist up your glasses and raise them up high,

Salute that black flag way up in the sky!

Lift up your elbows and give ‘em a twist,

Drink all your grog or you’ll eat my damn fist!

DESPITE MY INTENTIONS, I AM NOT COOL

Like an idiot I almost bought a flask.  Why?  Movies.  Like children who want to smoke, I was influenced by movies.  But I caught myself in time thank god.  After idolizing the guys on TV who kick ass and carry a flask, I realize they aren’t that cool at all.  Basically, they’re alcoholics.

Think about it.  When would you ever possibly want a swig of straight alcohol.  Backpacking, okay.  Or maybe if you’re travelling through Utah and you need to carry your own.  But honestly, when would you ever want to take a swig?  Golfing mid-day?  The movie theater?  Any scenario I come up with I just don’t see as fun.  Maybe it’s because I like beer and not hard alcohol so much (sipping a body-warm beer, bleh) but it just sounds gross.